My sister lives out of town so it took us a few weeks to organize our "Father's Day" celebration with Dad. We decided to have the event at a local cafeteria. My father loves cafeterias.
I think that it is the selection of foods that are available and he loves the "see it and get it" idea behind the service at a cafeteria. He points and the food is passed to you! What could be easier..talk about fast food!!

We met after church at a busy cafeteria. It was good for the family (i.e. fast and plentiful) but not as good for my dad (i.e. busy and confusing). My father has always been a busy person. I suspect that he was the original ADHD ( Attention Deficit Disorder) person. He was always going 100 miles per hour. He never sat down in church to listen to a sermon. My dad was always the guy who had to check on the hot water heater or find the stray teen on the church grounds. He loved the involvement and always had a willing heart of service.

Now, with the Alzheimer's, my dad is not as outgoing and is even a little fearful in crowds.
He followed one of us to the food counters and he ate very little. I noted that the cafeteria may not be the best choice in the future for our family outings. Change is an interesting thing. As a family, we have known for almost a year now about the Alzheimer's, but the learning curve has been slow and painful. Each time I am with my dad, it seems that I see a new area of change. This time it was the change in his reaction to his beloved cafeteria. He just didn't enjoy it . He wanted to go home.

No one was offended. It was just hard to see that our time together was more of a strain than a blessing to him. I have noticed that, even within our tight knit family, members are not interacting with my father in the same ways. Again, a change.

He is quiet and has little to say. In the past, my father was the "life of the party", always laughing and joking and putting his arm around you. Now, with the progression of Alzheimer's, he doesn't engage people to share a joke or a private word.

My father is literally someone that we do not know. People draw back and are unsure how to interact with him. Some family avoid him. Still others confuse him and expect the same old reactions without considering the Alzheimer's effects; everyone is struggling with how to relate to him now. It is heartbreaking to track the robbery that Alzheimer's has left us. That smiling and happy man with a ready word for family and friends doesn't seem to live there anymore.

The scripture states that "all things work together for good for he that loves the Lord"...I am trusting a loving God who certainly has allowed this illness to overtake my sweet father...so far, I am having trouble seeing the "good" but then ,I don't have the big picture, God does.
So I leave it in His hands recognizing that God the Father loves my father better than I do and that ultimately He knows what is best.

I wish I could rest there. I am trying to accept the Alzheimer's and the changes that it has brought into my relationship with my dad. Somehow, I keep seeking that guy who loves cafeterias and who laughs and shares his enjoyment of life with others. I would love to hear a goofy story or see my dad walking purposefully across the front lawn exclaiming about the crab grass invasion.

I would love to catch a glimpse of the other guy who didn't have Alzheimer's. I just know him so much better and change is not one of my best things either.

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