My father is 88 years old and my mom is 83. They have owned their own home for well over fifty years. My dad, being a self-made man, has rarely encountered a project that he wouldn't try. In other words, hiring someone to do home improvements or repairs was an unheard of luxury for my parents. My dad's Alzheimer's diagnosis has altered very little in either of their thinking patterns. It is just understood that either or both of them will carry out any home project that needs to be accomplished.

That brings me to a weekly chore that involves mowing and trimming the lawn. As the eldest, I have attempted on many occasions to discuss hiring someone to mow the lawn. It sounds simple, doesn't it? The problem is that the suggestion that someone else should the mow the lawn is met with unbelievable resistance. I thought that my parents would welcome a neighborhood teen that would come on a regular basis and keep the lawn mowed. I was greatly mistaken!

"Why would you think that your mother and I couldn't keep up the lawn?", my dad asked after the topic came up again that someone 65 years younger should mow the lawn .
"I thought that maybe it was becoming too much work for you and mom", I noted.
"I don't know why you would think that, Bonnie, your mother and I have mowed this lawn for over 50 years without help!", he exclaimed.
"Dad, you and mom are getting older and" I began, " I won't discuss it anymore! We will mow the yard as long as we can and that is that!" my dad pronounced.

I decided to drop it there! An argument doesn't accomplish much and I could see that reasoning with either of my parents would be fruitless. My father has a memory loss issue and my mom gets stuck in her own denial. I think that the idea that Alzheimer's has changed them is too hard to accept right now. My father is in-between stages and therefore the memory loss is not too profound yet. He is still able to do many things with help and prompting. My mom continues to believe that he is "better" and even when confronted with the reality that Alzheimer's is a progressive disease of loss; it is almost impossible for her to accept. I feel mean-spirited to point out to her that she is being unrealistic. I feel fearful that their combined memory-loss and denial will lead to harmful ramifications.

The problem with Alzheimer's is that the individual doesn't lose all of their capabilities, they lose just enough to be a danger to themselves and others. I am not sure that my dad should be mowing a lawn with a dangerous blade potentially ready to cut and tear at a foot or hand that would come too close. Alternatively, I am anxious for both of my parents to be independent as long as possible. Sometimes I am angry with my dad because he is so stubborn with his capabilities and refuses to be observant of his lessening abilities. Sometimes I am angry with my mom who wants him to continue to be independent and won't consider the dangers inherent in his memory loss. I wonder if there will be an accident or something else that will pronounce an end to power tools or lawn mowers or driving.

I went by their home last week-end to find both of them exhausted and sweaty after mowing the lawn. I could imagine the neighbors saying, "what in the world are those daughters thinking to allow their parents to mow in this heat?" I listened to them as they told me about pushing the mower up the embankment of the yard and helping one another with the task.

They were proud of themselves, I noticed. One more week of their long lives and they had had the strength to tackle the lawn and finish the task.

Mowing the lawn was what they have to crow about, was I going to take that away? Soon enough, I realized, Alzheimer's will do it's corrosive work. Why couldn't they enjoy a small victory today? "The lawn looks nice" I said, and it did.