This weekend was Father's Day. Our family is very active concerning "get togethers"; family time has always been expected and anticipated. My father has 7 brothers and sisters and I have 29 first cousins...therefore there is almost always a birthday or anniversary or something that we get together to celebrate. However, this year was different.

My mother and I had decided that because of certain family events that celebrating Father's Day would have to be put off until the following weekend.

We told all parties involved EXCEPT my father; the reason, Alzheimer's! My mom was concerned that he would be concerned that we weren't celebrating on the REAL day. I understand that she doesn't want my dad to get his feelings hurt over things that we might easily avoid but her anxiety soon became the family’s anxiety. She felt that my father would know that it was Father's Day and be hurt if the family didn't respond and explain the plan to meet the following weekend for lunch.

We were all instructed to call on Father's Day and wish my dad a happy day...sounds easy enough...it turned into a nightmare! As the phone calls and well-wishers offered happy returns of the day, my father became more and more confused.

"Aren't you coming over today?", he would ask.

"When are we going out to lunch?”, he wanted to know.

As each caller explained the plan, it got more and more upsetting to my dad. Mom said that he finally wouldn't answer the phone and told her, "No one seems to know what they are doing today!"

I had to laugh! Because truer words were never spoken! Sadly, it wasn't just that day that we were confused, with an illness like Alzheimers, it is often that we are confused. The illness leaves the family unsure how to proceed. People in the family would call me to ask how to talk to my dad.

"What do you mean?", I asked my family members.

"You know, he isn't the same, how should I approach the subject?", they would ask.

"Just be loving and keep it simple", I replied. It was very sweet and loving but frustrating too. Why were they asking me? Most of these folks had interacted with him for most of their lives and now, it seemed, they were clueless! I appreciated their concern, like my mom, they didn't want to do or say anything that would cause harm. As I considered the whole "Father's Day" mess, it occurred to me that much of the confusion of the day was caused by anxiety and fear.

I understand that my relatives are afraid of the person that Alzhiemers has created. My father is not his old jolly and happy self. He rarely laughs and often sits and stares into space. He doesn't seem to be unhappy, he is just a different person than we have all known and loved. Sometimes it breaks my heart and I wish I could see that man again, but mostly I am trying to do something that a wise friend told me to do. My friend said to "embrace what I have not what I don't have". Wise words...God has chosen to allow this to happen to my dad and I am choosing to find acceptance in His will for our lives. Embrace the time that you have with your loved ones. No one knows when or what may change them or you.