I have recently concluded that my father is in the moderate stage of Alzheimer's Disease (AD).

The moderate stage generally includes the following:

 

More pronounced memory problems

Difficulty with basic food preparations

Inability to perform routine household tasks

Decline in personal hygiene

Increased wandering that is not goal-directed

Agitation and irritability

Confusion ( especially at night)

 

 

Like all of the earlier symptoms, AD resists clear definition i.e., the symptoms are patchy and difficult to identify at first.

For example, last week, my father was unable and unwilling to help my 83 year mother with mowing the lawn (I know!  I have asked her to get a neighborhood kid to mow but she insists that she and dad can handle it!)  I do worry about her too...I guess this is the denial that if she allows herself to believe that dad is "normal" then maybe he is... at least for a while.

 

My mom and I had an appointment with a CPA and we left my father for about an hour and a half...It was 90 degrees and very humid that afternoon.  When we got back from our appointment, my father was sitting in their tiny living room with sweat dripping off of him.

 

My mom said  "What in the world happened? Did the air conditioning go out?"

My father replied, "No, I decided to mow the lawn."

My mother was so upset with him. She said, "Couldn't you have waited until I got home? I could have helped you."

My dad exclaimed, "I don't need you to help me mow the lawn.  I have been doing this for 50 years by myself (Which is true; my parents are from the generation that the man did it all outside the house for the wife.  My mother didn't know how to pump her own gasoline until 8 months ago!)

 

At this point an argument ensued that involved my mom reminding my dad that she wasn't gone that long and he should have waited etc.etc.etc.  While I certainly agreed with her and was very concerned about his managing the mower alone and accomplishing the lawn mowing in the heat of the afternoon, I realized as I listened to them argue that the discussion was going to be totally unsatisfying for both of them.

 

My dad would forget what was said almost at once. I respected that my mom needed to talk but reasoning with my father at this point is pretty pointless. This is one of the issues that is not listed in the "moderate stage" list for AD.

 

Reasoning with someone is a gift that we take for granted. It never crosses our minds that we cannot reason something out. The Bible says that even God calls us to "come let us reason together".

 

When a person is inflicted with AD the ability to reason is often lost in the memory lapse.  Sometimes it is available and when it occurs you rejoice...but often, like that hot afternoon at my parents house, I noticed that the reasoning was not going to help at all, in fact, it was causing more agitation for both of my parents.

 

I distracted my dad by asking if he would like something to drink.   He asked me why I asked him that.

I said, "Well, you are dripping sweat and I thought you might like some water."

His answer was, "Oh', OK ...if you think I need it"

 

Sweat and heat and exercise did not add up to being thirsty for my dad that day.  His reasonable self was not present.  I left the house feeling sad and sorely tested. My father has always been the most reasonable person that I know.  He is truly becoming someone that I don't know and I feel the loss deep.